Practising self-compassion

RICHARD CHAMBERS: We’re now going to explore some of the benefits of self-compassion. First of all, what did you notice in that self-criticism exercise? Most people find that they respond very differently to suffering in themselves than they do in others. Often we’re much tougher on ourselves than we are on other people. We tend to respond to suffering in others by bringing attitudes like friendliness, gentleness, softness. We tend to convey an attitude of genuine acceptance, recognising that failures and setbacks are a part of being human, and therefore completely understandable. However, when it is us who has failed at something, we tend to activate self-criticism. This then either makes us tense and stressed, or leads to avoidance behaviours such as distraction, and procrastination.

有些人甚至求助于吸毒，酒精，电视，食物等。当然，在这些时刻，就像生活使我们失望了。我们开始踢自己，试图强迫自己回到我们的脚步。我们是自我批评的许多原因。自我批评通常是由积极意图激励的。其中包括避免错误或至少不重复错误之类的东西。激励自己做得更好，或发展个人或专业。通过确保我们不会做一些伤害某人的感觉的事情来保护我们的人际关系。因此，认识到自我批评实际上有目的是有好处的。

这样我们就可以消除判断力和反应性，并从中标记，并承认它正在发生。它通常也是我们主要护理人员的内在声音。因此，当我们成长时，其他人对我们的脆弱性和苦难做出反应的方式，它塑造了我们以后生活中对自己的反应方式。实际上，我们可以将其内部化 - 那些声音或态度。然后，当然，当我们受苦时，这就是我们开始与自己建立联系的方式。但是这样做可能会给我们带来问题。自我批评会导致一系列问题。它激活战斗和飞行回路。

So when we are being self-critical where the amygdala is firing, and we’re releasing adrenaline and cortisol, and we’re caught up in sort of threat defence behaviours. And of course makes it harder to focus on what’s actually in front of us, because the mind is constantly scanning for threats, and caught up in other things other than what we need to be engaged with in the moment. And it also makes it hard to learn from mistakes. It can lead to rumination, which is really an attempt to problem-solve the situation, or sometimes problem-solve ourselves. And of course when we’re caught up in trying to problem-solve ourselves, we tend to find more faults and more problems, and this can exacerbate the effect.

由于我们充满了压力荷尔蒙，因此自我批评通常会导致避免，而且这种情况可能会带来非常消极和不愉快的，甚至威胁着风味。有时使用的另一个隐喻是第二箭头。就像生活已经用箭开枪打动了我们，我们正在经历一些痛苦或不适。但是，我们只是用第二个自我批评的箭头开枪，而不是趋向于我们的担忧。这是自我批判性的思维，为什么我要射击？我做什么应得的？也许我来了。那种事情。我应该更努力。我真是个白痴。 That kind of thing.

您知道，这些熟悉的事情是我们不时经历的。另一种选择是自我同情。自我同情是指我们遭受痛苦时对自己友善。或者您可以说，因为我们正在受苦。而且有三个自我同情的要素。自我实力，一种共同的人类和正念感。自我意识是指与自己关怀和理解的趋势，而不是严厉的批判或判断力。共同的人类涉及认识到所有人类都是不完美的，我们所有人都失败并犯错。这有助于我们意识到错误和困难只是活着的一部分。

实际上，当我们经历苦难时，我们可以认识到这将我们与其他所有人团结在一起，因为这是我们所有人时不时经历的事情。与其分开我们，让我们有一种感觉，即我们是唯一遭受苦难的人，其他人都在一起。当然，正念涉及以清晰和平衡的方式意识到我们的痛苦感，以便我们既不忽略自己或生活的这些锁定方面也不痴迷。您通常能够将这种态度带给他人，就像您在我们所做的练习中所注意到的那样，但是很难将其带给自己。

The good news, of course, is that if we can bring it to others, then it’s within us as an innate quality. And that’s actually true– that compassion research shows is an innate quality of being human. So we can cultivate it, and learn to bring it to ourselves. When we do rediscover this innate quality, we start responding to our suffering in gentler, much more loving and supportive ways. And this has a range of benefits. First of all, we activate the mammalian tend and befriend circuits, which are a very different part of the brain to the fight and flight circuits.

We release the hormone oxytocin, which is what we’re flooded with when we fall in love, or when a mother holds a baby for the first time to help her bond with it and overcome the trauma of childbirth. Research shows that we also release it when we get or give a hug for 10 seconds or more, and we can learn to release it in our selves. And oxytocin produces that feeling of well-being, that warm glow. But it also helps us to focus, and to relate more effectively to others and to ourselves.

And so in the next exercise we’re going to explore how to activate the tend and befriend circuits to release oxytocin, by learning to relate to ourselves with self-compassion in the face of suffering. But first, let’s quickly look at the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. Self-esteem was really popular amongst researchers in the ’80s, and ’90s, and the early 2000s. And it refers to a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth. So when we fail, for instance, to rebuild our self-esteem, we have to try harder. Or alternatively, to tear other people down. And this is why it can lead to perfectionism, anxiety, narcissism, and bullying. It also requires everybody to be above average, which is of course a logical inconsistency.

我们不能全部高于平均水平。因此，这是一个有缺陷的模型。另一方面，自我同情意味着我们在失败或遭受痛苦或不适时以友好的方式对自己做出回应。我们可以学会以支持，充满爱心的方式与我们自己的脆弱部分联系。这避免了自尊的问题，并具有一系列其他好处。它导致情绪改善，避免情绪低落，当然被证明是有害的，并提高了我们的表现。例如，在一项研究中，人们花了更多时间在初次失败后学习难以进行的难题。我们也变得更有动力，以改善个人特征和感知的弱点。

因为我们的注意力是问题，而不是在自我批判性思维中陷入困境，所以我们实际上专注于我们需要专注于从错误中学习或表现更好的东西。最近，大概在过去五年左右的时间里，自我同情研究与正念研究非常精美。包括克雷格（Craig）和我本人在内的许多人都在我们的正念计划中教授自我同情。实际上，正念和自我同情是密不可分的。因此，当我们要注意时，我们自然而然地自我召唤只是因为没有被自我批评或其他任何精神习惯所困扰。但是我们也可以培养它。在下一个练习中，我们将分别探索正念和自我同情。

并展示他们如何共同努力，以改善我们的福祉和表现。